2020-2022: Surreal, devastating, & also amazing

26 Mar

I hope to come back to this post for an update when my brain is more focused and I’ve got the time to truly give it my full attention. But for now, I just wanted to get something out there to document the gravity of the last few years, and how it continues to still impact me (and so many others) today in 2023.

My first update involves loss and grief, which seemed to hit in nearly every category of our lives. And it just kept coming. But in the midst of that, I am so happy to say that I also found so many wonderful connections, resources, and interests that I am not sure I would have tapped into if it had not been for the loss and devastating chain of events that my partner and I experienced.

I look forward to sharing more when I have time. But just know whatever it is you might be going through or struggling with, I really do believe that it is temporary AND if you can find it in yourself to cultivate hope and some sort of connection with nature every single day — you WILL find your way to a better place. And you might just realize that much of what you thought you needed was no longer a good fit for the best version of you anyway. The experiences of major loss and unwelcome changes can show you who your real friends are (or aren’t), and can also highlight the parts of humanity within people and places that you may not have been aware of previously. We definitely experienced that.

ShiftCon 2020: Virtual Shift

14 Oct

Well, the closing of 2019 and going forward apparently did not go as any of us may have planned. I had big ideas and well intentioned plans to do so many things including posting here regularly. And I even had the makings of some drafted posts in my brain as I finished the last one back in October of 2019. But not only does SHIFT happen as those of us who attended ShiftCon like to say – but SHIT happens, too. And lots of it in the past year. So while it may have been a ridiculously long time since I connected with folks here on the website, it was not for lack of caring or wanting to.

I am back again, for now. Until the next shift or shit happens I suppose. But I’m happy to report that even with all of the heartbreak, stress, loss of multiple sources of income, along with neverending grief – I miraculously made it to the 2020 Virtual ShiftCon. And boy, am I so grateful that Jessie from Tiny Yellow Bungalow and I purchased our tickets during the closing party fun at ShiftCon 2019. We both made it virtually, and had another incredible experience in 2020. ShiftCon Virtual Shift may very well have been the BEST thing to come out of this year. Just ask my parrot Merlin who attended at least half of the sessions this year with me. If she learns any new words in 2020 I do hope they are in the vein of sustainability, zero waste, regeneration, environmental justice, soil health, and collaboration.

ShiftCon 2020 was different in the sense that we were not there in person able to hug our friends, shake hands with and eventually hug the new friends we would inevitably make, sample things during the Expo, or sit down to share a meal with everyone during the Keynote sessions. But that does not mean it was any less meaningful, worthwhile, or successful. And honestly, considering all that had to be done to put this together, I was beyond impressed with how engaging it still was even with us all attending virtually. Kudos to everyone who helped make the conference happen. What a remarkable accomplishment to bring all of us together and get so many people not only connected but also getting so many people fired up and ready to go MAKE AN IMPACT!

The motivation to do all we can to support and educate others about regenerative agriculture is sticking with me. I had already felt this way for a while. But after attending the breakouts, keynotes, and watching the documentary “Kiss The Ground” and attending the Virtual Q&A on Day 3 of the conference, I can’t STOP thinking about it, or talking about it with others. I am now officially fired up, too – and that takes a lot after the devastating Winter, Spring, & Summer I just endured. There are so many more things I am still processing and want to share about this year’s event. But for now I am needing to rest while I process, and support my own wellness practice that is crucial to me being able to attend these types of things to begin with.

I am sincerely hoping that this change in energy which I could feel from the moment I logged onto the online platform for this year’s event is just the start of many good things to come and I welcome the shift and inspiration I felt during and now still after the conference (even though like last year I got all sappy and cried a little after it was over).

Shift Happens Part 1: ShiftCon 2019

12 Oct

I know I need to check in here because I have not done so in way too long AND I just returned from one of THE BEST experiences I personally have had at a conference in recent memory at ShiftCon which was hosted in Atlanta this year. I am reeling from the whirlwind of information, events, connections, and an overall feeling of inspiration, empowerment, and love for our Earth. But at the same time, I am also struggling to recover from the travel, the mishaps that, of course repeatedly occurred, and also from an unwelcome allergen exposure that knocked me back a bit soon after we arrived.

My hope is to share ShiftCon 2019 tidbits in little chunks. I will throw you what I’ve got for the duration of my energy levels. And then I will break, rest and come back to share more when I’ve refueled.

My first memories of the conference are of some of the people who I was lucky enough to meet and share this special experience with. Two of those humans who shared their magical energy were Jessie – Tiny Yellow Bungalow and Ashlee – Simplholistic (they crossed my path at just the right time, and I am very grateful). You should check them both out because they are not just super kind humans – they also have some great resources online. Give them a looky look.

For now, I am going to process the last week of travel and awesomeness while I attempt to recover from the impact it had on my very sensitive body. I am so grateful to have been able to attend such an inspiring event surrounded by so many stellar humans. I am also going to sit with that gratitude for the time being as well. I leave with you a photo of the outside view of the Japanese Garden at the Grand Hyatt in Atlanta, which was sneakily hidden between two outside terrace patio areas. I wish I had snapped some photos of the actual garden. But I was too busy enjoying its beauty & the calm when we walked through.

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Unity~Community: Heartland Yoga Fest

7 Jun

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Hello from Kansas City. I never mean to neglect my wellness advocacy side of life that I like to chat about here in the world of food allergies, lifestyle medicine, and autoimmune stuff. I’ve been busy working on something pretty cool this year which has been consuming a lot of my time. But it has been SO inspiring, healing, and actually something I adore being a part of. What a nice shift from past instances of missing out because I was too busy and tired, or too sick from working decades in toxic and ill fitting job environments. Enter the first ever Heartland Yoga Festival. I will spare you all of the details, because if you want those, you can & already have clicked on the link (which I highly recommend you do if you are free June 22-24, love yoga, & want to take a healthy vacay or staycay near my hometown of Kansas City)

I am meeting and working with some of the most interesting and truly visionary types of humans while I work on this project. And during the different stages of a festival coming together, so many other areas have come together with my own perspective and feelings for the heartland. Stuff IS really happening here. Like the things that I have felt for years were so far off that I would have finally opted to move away, or have passed away by the time KC experienced these particular concepts. I am so thrilled that I AM alive and still residing here to witness change as it happens. It feels so incredibly good. And in the case of the yoga festival, I feel fortunate to be a part of something like this that will help further bring the community together. I’m glad that we did not end up moving seven years ago when I was so fed up with my health, that I thought the only answer was leaving town. I know that part of the series of things that led to me settling down and feeling more content with my location, and actually excited about the potential for growth was the opening of Hagoyah, my home away from home. It started out as the “coming soon” sign on the vacant spot that was just blocks from our house. And behind those doors, I knew that some day would be a yoga studio, where I could WALK to class, and cultivate that community I was feeling I had to seek outside of KC. After over five years of practicing yoga there, and working part time behind the scenes with Hagoyah, (which is a Holistic Beauty and Wellness concept bringing together yoga, massage, skincare, hair services, & local retail, artists, and makers in the community) I have been lucky to grow with the different evolutions of where things started. And for 2018 this brought the chance to work with the Heartland Yoga Festival, which was co-founded by the owner of Hagoyah along with the owner of Karma Tribe Yoga (KC’s non-profit, donation based studio). All of this (and more) has kept me grounded with the current mindset that I’m OK to stay in the heartland. Maybe not forever – who knows. But I no longer have one foot out the door, booking my next flight to escape twice monthly as I once did. I’m finding contentment, peace, opportunities, community, Vitamin IV therapy, dog friendly establishments, other people who are child free by choice (I am overjoyed that this is finally a THING in KC – it seriously was such a rarity for so many years), and EVEN kombucha on tap + people who know what functional medicine is IN my own hometown. I need these things if I want to stick to my autoimmune protocols, and move forward with healing.

So my update to everyone is that yes, I’ve been away. But this time it’s not because I had a setback with my inflammation that was so terrible that I could not use my arms (that was last year).  I’m so glad that the *busy* state which has kept me away from the blog, and the social media for Feud With Food, and many of the other endeavors that I absolutely look forward to returning to has been for a healthy reason. It feels good to finally be doing things that help with my healing vs further contribute to chronic illness and autoimmune flares. I have found my tribe, and am slowly working in the direction that I know aligns more appropriately with my path. I don’t know what is next in line for me. But I know that my current experience in the present is giving me much to think about, tons of learning opportunities, and a plethora of gratitude. And for now, I am going to Namaste in the Heartland.

 

FABlogCon 2017

25 Jan

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Another long overdue blog post in process. I start to feel like a broken record when I continually have to share that the reason something was delayed, or I had to cancel a trip, or I bowed out of an activity I was very much looking forward to was that I am recovering from yet another flare of some sort. I may be outwardly very sick seeming in appearance. But most of the time, I am still functioning because I have to, and keeping it together the best I can. But in regards to my energy levels and symptoms, I am struggling. And that is what things have been like since November when my partner and I went to Denver and San Francisco. An absolutely whirlwind few days of travel. But it came with a price. One that I am still not quite fully recovered from it seems.

First of all, I have to say that the Food Allergy Blogger Conference FABlogCon was amazing. Jenny Sprague really outdid herself this year. And the people I met, brands I learned about, and presentations were inspiring, educational, and validating. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to attend again this year. I just regret that it has taken me this long to report back about it.

The main thing I took home from the 2017 conference was a sense of community and strength. I rarely feel understood or validated, simply because it can be so difficult to navigate the real world with food allergies. I don’t expect the level of understanding or even accommodations that we experienced during the conference when I go back into the real world. But I do feel that we all deserve compassion, AND for people to at least WANT to understand. I have seen great strides, and I can tell that the more work the folks who were at the conference do, the better things out there in real life will be. I was incredibly impressed with so much of what I heard. There are some determined and resourceful humans out there fighting for this cause, and I am thrilled to have connected with all of them at FABlogCon.  Here are some of the photos of the vendor fair, conference, and social events that we snapped during our brief adventure in Denver. I am certain there are more photos floating around that I hope to share at a later time. But for now at least I can look back with such a sense of pride and comfort knowing what an incredible group of people I have in my corner. If you are considering attending a conference in 2018, and have any interest, personal experience, or compassion for food allergies, you should absolutely attend.

FABlogCon 2017 Photos

 

Step Beyond Celiac KC5K

18 Oct

While I have been seemingly in hibernation as of late, at least from this blog itself, I have actually been doing all of the things. And by all of the things, I mean SO many great things that involve advocating for my own wellness and the wellness of others.

One of the most recent things that I feel so fortunate to have been a part of was the Beyond Celiac – Step Beyond Celiac KC 5K run/walk. This was the Beyond Celiac’s inaugural event, and it was held in Kansas City, my home town. I could not have been more lucky to have ended up not only volunteering with some of the nicest people. But I also got to sneak in some quality time with one of my favorite Celiac advocates – Erica of Celiac and the Beast.

The event also brought me back in touch with Emily from Food Equality Initiative , and Jill from t.Loft. I also met adorable dogs, courageous kids dealing with a celiac diagnosis, and some extremely generous supporters and volunteers. But more than anything it showed me that we actually have a dedicated group of people whose lives have been touched by food allergies and celiac disease. And so many of them are right here in Kansas City. I have learned so much from all of the people I have been lucky enough to meet. And I look forward to many more opportunities to learn, support, advocate and come together as a community.

Check out Erica from Celiac and the Beast’s recap of the event here:   Beyond Celiac: Step Beyond Celiac KC5K 

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Another autoimmune flare; another reset – The AIP Challenge & the challenges that led me back here

15 Jun

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First of all, let me back up to 2015 when I my health started slowly declining and my symptoms gradually were increasing in number or intensity. And it was hard to recognize this at the time because I had been learning to accept what IS vs freaking out over my ever-changing state due to the unpredictability and randomness of autoimmune disease. I was telling myself things like:  This is just temporary. Breathe through and endure. Tomorrow is a new day. Healing means one step forward and 10 steps back sometimes. And I was “OK” with it. Until I was gearing up to drive to Denver for the 2015 FABlogCon – Food Allergy Bloggers Conference. It was then, that it really hit me. I was so low in energy that just packing was draining me. And it took everything I had (with a lot of help from my amazing, supportive partner) just to get me to Denver. And once there, as excited as I was to be surrounded by so many like-minded, compassionate people in a place where everyone was advocating for the very things I was passionate about, I could barely muster up the physical energy to get out of the bed in the hotel room, and take the very easy ride down the elevator to the events a few floors below. It could not have been any more easy to navigate. But my physical body was drained. And my mental capacity was not even functional. I had to put on the best face I could to muster through such a wonderful event when I was just not feeling even close to optimal. I had inflammation so bad that I had to borrow boots from a friend that were two sizes bigger than my normal size, and I busted out the maternity /tunic dress options that I had in the pile to give away for my daily attire. Thank goodness I had those still. That swelling wasn’t just inconvenient and unsightly. It was painful. My entire body felt like it weighed a million pounds and had been beaten and bruised repeatedly. I was having to face the fact that this was not just temporary. And it was not something I could tolerate anymore. I had somehow gone backwards, even after my very clean diet (and what I felt was a healthy lifestyle). I had been eating basically paleo (somewhat primal – as I would have something with rice flour in it maybe 1-2 times /month). As I mentioned, my old (& some new) symptoms had surfaced during 2015. And by November, it really was painfully obvious that I was not bouncing back.

Enter the Autoimmune Protocol AIP and Wahls Protocol .  I had this on my back burner of tricks to pull out just in case I ever hit what seemed to be rock bottom again. But I was so convinced (I had to be hopeful and confident) that I would never need to go this route. But alas, as soon as we returned home from the conference I prepared the pantry (gave away all non AIP things), started working on my meal plans, and mental preparation for what I was embarking upon. I went at this process the same way I did with my first few Elimination diets that were suggested to me (& guided by) my functional/integrative MDs. And then how I begrudgingly leaped into the GAPS (Gut & Psychology Syndrome) Diet full force right before what used to be our annual trip to Austin for South By Southwest. I was no stranger to this. So the process itself was not as daunting this time. But the reality that my body clearly was still not healing, and was fighting against me this entire time was emotionally devastating.

It took three months for me to see/ feel any true results with this version of AIP. I felt worse before I felt better. I had to remove caffeine (which I was only a one Chai tea per day drinker). But that was brutal, as I work a very early morning shift for work. So the first month was not pleasant due to that. But then the following two months I had glimmers of feeling a little better, or at least different. But definitely a ton of feeling resentful towards people who were eating stuff I could not. And the fact that I was working SO hard to heal, and yet I was seemingly getting nothing in return. But as I said, around the 90 day mark I finally felt tangible results. I woke up one day, and simply got out of bed. I had not done that in nearly a year. I did not struggle to lift my head. My arms did not feel bruised and weighted down. And my body felt somewhat lighter and more mobile. This was true progress. This type of protocol is not meant to be permanent. But the length of time that it will take for each person to see/feel improvement will vary a lot. We are all at different stages in our illnesses. And we are also so bio-individual in what makes each of our bodies work or shut down. So for me, clearly 90 days was some type of milestone. But it was still not even close to what I remembered as “normal” (whatever that is).  So I soldiered on. And by the 9th month, I was definitely no longer as inflamed. And my headaches were long gone. But I was now feeling other symptoms I was not used to. I could not seem to get enough energy to go to yoga anymore. I was having brain fog and cognitive issues. My days consisted of work, meal prep, and sleep. That was all I could do. I started questioning why I was still not feeling OK. And my Naturopathic Doctor and I both knew the answer once I buckled down and documented my food intake in a food diary. I had gotten too lax in my version of AIP. I was still following the protocol in the sense of removing all of the inflammatory foods. But I had lost my steam on incorporating variety, and making sure that I was getting ALL of the different nutrients. And since I had been doing the protocol for so long, I had also become  deficient in things due to going months without eating things like eggs (which for me personally were a great source of nourishment). So the decision was made to do reintroductions based on my body needing nutrients fast. This helped. And I started feeling better immediately upon adding organic, pastured eggs.

There have been a handful of ups and downs since then, along with various transitions based on my own individual needs for AIP. However, those reintros and adjustments started 11 months ago. And now I am back to having some reversal in progress. I have been careful as always to not immediately jump to the fear of this being a full on flare, or a reason to make a change. But like last time, I am having to admit to myself that inflammation with severe edema and moderate pain has been increasing at such a gradual rate that I now need to address it. This was most obvious the day before we left for Paleo f(x) in Austin when I was hobbling around. It felt like my feet were just crushed with bruises. I had to go shoe shopping at a specialty shoe store the night before our trip, only to find out that I was now at an even bigger shoe size than before. My own shoes had been strangling my feet again. In the past 10 years, I have gone from a 6.5 narrow in some shoes, now all of the way to an 8.5. This swelling is not limited to my feet. It’s pretty much a below the waist only swelling. I had also again had to borrow leggings two sizes up from a friend (thank you to those who help supply my ever-changing wardrobe needs). And I had been smart enough to hold onto my larger sized, soft, flowy mumu tunics from the last time this happened.

So the universe made sure to lead me back to where I needed to be. And this time without the stress of planning my meals. I will not have to go to the grocery store. And I will not risk becoming malnourished this time either. A locally based paleo food delivery company, Evolve Paleo , is launching an AIP Challenge. And I am going to take that challenge. I am not concerned about how to go about the protocol this time. And I am not having to add extra stress to my life (which is another component of why I have been unable to fully heal). With this challenge, someone else is handling all of the details. All I have to do is eat the food. This could not have come around at a better time. I needed a break in the rigor of what it takes to start and stay on a wellness program of any kind. I needed a break from what has now been years of having to mentally concern myself about my next meal. It’s taxing, and not at all conducive to healing. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe making those changes is the best thing you can do for yourself. But it truly is a huge undertaking. And if you are already compromised, it can be counterproductive to your healing process simply due to the stress it can cause, and the energy it takes to persevere.

So my mind, body, and spirit can finally do a safer version of AIP that will be right for where I am today. I tried this on my own last time. And while I reaped so many benefits, I know now that I needed help with this process. I needed to stay on track, and focus on getting three different types of vegetables within the nine servings I was trying to get each day. It became too easy to just eat the same thing over and over. This time I won’t suffer that same fate. I have my AIP Challenge team on board to keep me true to the most healing version of this protocol. I am curious to see how much easier it will be this time around. And most importantly by removing the stress that I was putting on myself with meal planning, preparation, and the constant mental exhaustion of worrying about what my next meal would be, I am hopeful that this AIP Challenge will offer me more longstanding and tangible progress.

For updates on how the challenge is going, follow me on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter

PALEO f(x) 2017

24 May

Another long stretch of no time /energy to blog. And I’m still in that state. However, I had to take a brief pause to at least post my current state post PALEO f(x).  I’m still processing most of it. And I think I will be for a while. But my immediate thoughts all go straight to a feeling of renewed energy, inspiration, and the comforting feeling that there are indeed like minded individuals (and entire brands/companies) out there. I tend to forget that, living in the middle of the country, immersed in my own daily struggle to just survive.

But it’s true. There was an entire events center FULL of these people, and I gained something valuable from every single interaction I had. I am so grateful for the opportunity to attend this year. And I look forward to hopefully being healthy enough in 2018 to make it back. It took nearly every ounce of energy and compromise I had for us to make it there this year. And I had to put more debt on my credit card so that I could inject my body with much needed vitamins & minerals via the magical cocktail of nourishment the day before leaving & upon returning. But it was worth it. The fact that there were people (and vendor booths) who not only knew what AIP (Autoimmune Protocol / Autoimmune Paleo) was. But they featured products that were safe for AIP was worth the trip there.

I plan to post more of a wrap up style post in the future, including highlights of my favorites, and things we encountered during our stay in beautiful Austin, TX at the Palmer Events Center for PALEO f(x) 2017. I was so programmed to be hashtagging, per usual at any conference – that I still am on autopilot adding #PFX17 #paleofx #paleofx2017 to even my texts. This is definitely a sign that I need some more rest.

I would love to hear about everyone else’s experience at the event. I did meet a lovely blogger – Austin Paleo Girl. She is a former Kansas Citian, now living in Austin who is a much more energetic & accountable blogger than myself. She has already posted her recap, and you can find that here.  Austin Paleo Grrl: Paleo f(x) 17: Weekend Recap

In the mean time I will be gradually posting photos from the event on my Feud With Food Facebook, Feud With Food Instagram, and Feud With Food Twitter.  Back to healing my body with nourishment, rest, and mindfulness. And, of course, missing Austin and all of the wonderful people we met at Paleo f(x).

New year. Fresh start.

13 Feb

Hope that everyone else is finding a way to start with a clean slate in 2017. I personally don’t seem to hold onto the traditions or whatever it is that prompts people to start things fresh in a new year, or a new month, or for some type of reason. I like to follow the path of my yoga practice, and simply view each breath as a new moment. And with each new moment, I have the choice and opportunity for a fresh start. This works for me. The other stuff almost seems to lend itself to expectations, disappointment, pressure, and even a bit of OCD characteristics (which I try to keep to a healthy level). So it’s every new moment for me. But whatever your personal preference for wiping that slate clean might be, I do wish you the best with how that feels for you this year. Because if you DID decide that the new year was your own new day, then it is just far enough into the new year to have an idea of what that feels like.

My current status involves following even more detailed protocols for healing. But at the same time allowing much more room for self care, self compassion, and figuring out how to still go with the flow for everything while maintaining this rigorous seeming protocol. I have a great support team, and am continuing to search for other healers and providers of wellness to guide me on this journey.

So how are YOU?  I would love to hear.

Dietary restrictions during holidays

6 Dec

It has been a very long time since I managed to post something on the actual blog itself. But here I am again, enduring another holiday season amidst what seems to be loads of people over indulging, obsessing over occasions where everyone must bring very specific dishes. I am happy to say that after many years of having restrictions, the holidays no longer stop me in my tracks or cause horrible feelings of missing out. However, they still can be a struggle. And I do still wish people would stop making excuses for their poor eating habits due to a holiday.

This year is year two of my own version of AIP (Autoimmune Protocol). And it really does stink to be bombarded by so many appetizing options, and so much indulgence when I am working hard to figure out what my next meal will be based on my current AIP as well as managing adrenal fatigue. I eat to live. It’s my survival and my nourishment. And I am OK with that. But some days it does get on my last nerve to hear people around me complaining of the health woes they suffer from while they justify binging on whatever the holiday related food or foods of the day might simply because, you know, it’s a holiday. That falls in the same category of people who have Celiac Disease but intentionally have “cheat” days such as their birthday. I don’t get it. I want to be well SO bad. I want to get better. And I am trying so hard to do everything in my power to make that happen. So it is sometimes hard (especially during an autoimmune flare, or PMS, or a bad day at work) to watch others knowingly sabotaging their own health. I only seem to be the most bothered by this type of thing around PMS, so at least I can take solace in knowing this rage will pass. Like everything, it is indeed only temporary.

So please, tell me your stories of holiday food challenges. How did you handle your Thanksgiving this year? Did you find decent substitutions so that you weren’t forced to derail all of your hard work?  Did any of your family members or dining companions possibly LEARN something by having you at the table this year? I know that is one thing I personally continue to bring to the table. Education on how much what we eat does indeed impact our total wellness – mental and physical. Even if those around you may appear to be uninterested, annoyed, embarrassed (I seem to cause this often when someone has to eat in my presence – How DARE I eat this way?), or just inconvenienced…..please remember that you are slowly chipping away at the stigma, ignorance, and misinformation out there simply by being YOU.  So keep it up. Whatever challenges you are facing. Keep fighting the fight. Keep advocating for yourself. And stick to your guns with your wellness plan. It’s YOUR body and intestines that will be suffering if you make allowances to please other people.