An entire month has somehow rolled by, since the inspiring but exhausting adventure of Natural Products Expo East in Baltimore. I had, and still have SO many items on my list to check off, people to reach out to, and basic follow up that still remains. However, on the list of my things to do, fighting off another “flare” of inflammation was not one I had allotted time for.
I started having issues way before we left for Expo East. But overall, it *seemed* like I had a handle on things. I mean, I was not denying the symptoms. I had opted to remove grains completely once again (vs allowing myself to test them out about once per month). And I was also attempting the mind over matter state of refusing to let this nonsense slow me down, ruin my fun, or derail my plans.
But here I sit a month after Expo, and a few months after any initial signs of flares started back up again – INFLAMED. Yet again. I am uncomfortable ALL of the time. I can no longer fit into any of the clothing I had been wearing for the past few years (unless it is extremely stretchy, &/or was already a few sizes too big to start with). Thank goodness for the hand me down “too big” items that I had held onto, with the idea that I would use my sewing machine to alter them to fit. And apparently I should be thankful for my procrastination and lack of time to actually ever get around to altering them as well. Because now I at least have a few things I can throw on. Because due to ridiculous medical debt (all uncovered services that my insurance does not deem as medically necessary), I most definitely do not have the $$ to buy new clothes. Oh & shoes. The foot thing again. I thought I had seen the end of that back when I removed gluten from my life completely. But the day before Expo, I was forced to spend money I did not have on a good pair of comfortable shoes in a BIGGER size. Because you know, my entire lower body has again swollen to the point that nothing fits, including my shoes AND even some of my socks. I lived this annoying nightmare before, prior to realizing I was reacting to gluten and dairy. And I really was confident that I would never have to deal with this again. But here it is.
So body – you miraculous but complex vessel – WTF is the deal THIS time? Tell me please. I am totally listening. And I am up for the challenge of whatever needs to be done. But come on! This is getting ridiculous. I spend so much energy, time, and have truly exhausted myself just LIVING each day. So cut me a break here. Why in the world are you swelling up, and hurting like I’ve been run over by a truck every single day? WHY?
I suppose this post is more about venting. I have been needing assistance to get out of bed nearly every day, and I feel bruised and battered over my entire body. Even my eyelids have started hurting. I know this feeling because it was my daily life a few years ago. But I figured it out. And I put it behind me. So what now? I think way too much. I can’t do anything but think, and research, and troubleshoot. I want answers, solutions, and relief.
I have been practicing as much patience as possible. I have a daily yoga practice, which sadly has switched from enjoying practices at a few favorite studios around town to mostly a home practice, simply because I fall, and moan in pain so much now, that I prefer to practice in private for the time being. If I did not have these things, I am certain I would not be able to get as much accomplished as I do. So I am grateful for this. But with all of the pondering, the main thing that keeps coming back to me is how incredibly reactive I have become overall. And I think it might have something to do with a house that we recently moved out of. I refer to it as the “Mold House”. There was something horribly wrong with the house, and we were there for 9 months. I am suspecting that just by living in this toxic space for so long, it somehow triggered more responses in my body, & ultimately weakened my system so that I now react to nearly everything, and in a more severe way.
I will say that I am doing much better than when we were IN the house. Because while we were IN the house, i was breaking out in hives for no apparent reason at least 5 days per month. And I could not even open jars, carry out the trash, or breathe through the night. But I fear the damage was done. And I simply do not know at this stage what I can do. My answer for getting through Expo East was simple. I just added to my already growing medical debt by getting a few infusions. I got one of my favorite Vitamin/Mineral infusions, as well as a Glutathione infusion for detox. I feel like if I could afford to get those regularly, I would be well on my way to some type of progress.
Enough of my rambling. It just felt like time to share something, since I had been neglectful and very delayed in my reports of Expo East. I have a lot to share. But so little energy and brain capacity these days to do so. So bear with me.
I welcome all suggestions, resources, etc when it comes to digging myself out of these holes. The medical debt AND the chronic state of inflammation that I currently find myself in. I will find a way to be more uplifting with my next post.
Yoga will save the day for me though. It always does. Namaste.